It Hurts So Bad
by BrownSugarC
Summary: Sonja Percy is leaving NCIS New Orleans. While she faces the truth of her unhappiness, Chris LaSalle is trying to ignore the pain in his heart. Has the day finally come when he has to confront it and finds the hurt is almost unbearable?
1. Chapter 1

**Do You Really Want To Know?**

"Hey Percy where you been?" I could have pretended that I didn't hear him, but he would just repeat it.

"I took some time off LaSalle, what's it to you?"

"Well, I was just wondering. The last time you just took off we caught you smuggling drugs."

"Leave it alone LaSalle. You know you didn't appreciate me and Brody giving you the business when you were 'out there'. You lived with someone for weeks and didn't say a word to me, so I don't welcome your fifth degree right now."

"A little testy are we today Sonja? You know I care about you."

"Guess so about as far as you can throw a stick. "

"What does that mean?"

"It seems that that feeling only comes and goes with your whims" I say as I roll my eyes. You have made it perfectly clear that we're friends, actually co-workers, so stick to that venue please." I get up and walk back to Triple P's office as I feel LaSalle staring at me.

About an hour later Pride comes down stairs and tells us we need to head down NOPD and pick up a suspect. Shit. Where's Tammy?

 _Later in the car_

"Look Percy, I thought we had gotten past that hostility thing."

"I don't know what you alluding to."

"Since you came back you have kind of retreated from where we were" pointing at him and I. "You avoided me as much as you could yesterday. We walked on the waterfront a couple of weeks ago and talked about my dream of owning that boat and you fishing on it with me. You had been so concerned about me when I came back from home. Now you're back from where ever the hell you went and I sense the wall coming back up."

"I had a lot of time to think while I was gone LaSalle. You need to remember that I opened my heart to you and you slammed the door shut."

"Come on Percy, we talked about this."

"Well, you talked, I listened. I did what Pride wanted and left our involvement professional. You made the decision about 'us' or the 'no us' I guess. I had a lot of time to think. I needed to get away from you and New Orleans. I had to think about what I wanted. But I can't have what I wanted so I needed to reassess exactly what that was."

"And what did you decide?"

"You don't want to know."

"If I didn't want to know, why I would bring it up?"

"Alright then. I want you. I want a chance at an 'us'. I want to beat your behind in a card game on boy's night out, laugh while walking down the street during a festival, make love to you at night or any other convenient time and wake up in your arms every morning. Don't look so surprised. I warned you if you didn't want to know don't ask.

I'm the one who saw you crash and burn after your mermaid died. I'm the one that sat next to you nearly every day after Tucker left and watched you cover up the pain in your heart. I'm the one you call every time that Cade goes off on the deep end. I'm the one that stands by and watches your mind go here and there as you try to reconcile what your father did to you with his death and the business. I'm the one you address as your co-worker not your friend, or dear friend or whatever. I'm the one who just wants to pull you into a corner and put my arms around your neck or sit in your lap and let your gripe, cry or yell out at what is going on in your life right now. I'm the one who runs the dog so much that he turns to come home on his own because he is the one who is tired at the miles I have put on my shoes and his padded feet as I try to run away from the pain in this heart.

I decided that I can't do this anymore Christopher. I have always been a sore loser. I determined that I can't take this and I need to make a change. I can't make this dream come true but I'll be damn if I live a nightmare of not having what I want.

We're here. Let's go."

Page **2** of **2**


	2. Chapter 2

**Get a Clue**

"You're awful quiet this morning LaSalle."

"I'm stumped. I know Percy has talked to you about this."

"Talked about what?"

"About where she went and disappeared to."

"I told you LaSalle, she went away to think."

"Think about what?"

"Why ask a question that you may not want the answer to? "

"Just so you know Tammy, I did ask her.

"And what did she say?"

"You're saying you don't know."

"Look LaSalle the only thing I know is what I told you when I first joined the team. You guys have a vibe. I thought you were involved after the first few days I was trailing you. You guys are close. You even mirror talk. You have good chemistry."

"Oh Tammy shit. She gave me an earful. Percy and I have talked about what this it is, was, and couldn't be. She wants to see if there could be an 'us'."

"So the way I see it you have your vantage point and she has hers. Why would you punish her for falling in love with you? So now that she has, what is she supposed to do? Why would she stick around and be in pain. Just the conversations that I hear between you and other women make me uncomfortable."

"Why would it bother you?"

Because one of my friend is in love with a man who shows her he doesn't feel the same way. And second I have another friend who seems to be so stupid that he doesn't realize the good thing that is in front of him and will one day regret that he let her go." Silence.

So now what LaSalle? You're just going to let her go? The ball is in your court. I've told you what I know and I've told you how I feel so leave me out of it now. Percy wants to go and start a new life. She feels this is what is best for her. You need to decide to let her go in peace or to ask to stay with you. Let her stay and be happy or let her go and find happiness somewhere else with someone else.

I'm not judging. I know you need to do what is best for yourself as well. Only you can do that. I will tell you that I'll respect your decision either way. You have your own life to live. You have your own goals and desires and no matter what I think or I would want, I cannot tell you how to live your life or with whom to have in it."

Later at Boys Night Out

"LaSalle what's going on? You're a drag on this night and where the hell is Percy? I was looking forward to fleecing her tonight."

"Got a lot on my mind Triple P."

"That's not new but we agreed that you would leave all that stuff at work on our night out."

"I'm trying, I'm really trying but I can't shake it."

"This is about a woman right?" I look sheepish and admit yes. "This is the same woman you been fretting over for the past year?" "Yes, how did you know?" "Just by your ebb and tide moves over the past several months. Seems like everything is going okay and then you seem like you're in the valley again."

"You know women are complicated P but I'm really stumped. I know what the right thing to do is but…"

"Then just do it."

"Even if it rips my heart apart?"

"I can't make that decision for you LaSalle."

"I can't either. I'm out of here."

As I get in the truck, I find Percy's shirt in the front seat. I pick it up and can still smell her perfume on it. I put the key into the ignition and before I can turn it, I raise my fist and hit the steering wheel in anger. Must I really lose another woman because of this job? I sit there a long time and finally decide that the answer was yes. The consequence will be this pain in my heart. I can only imagine how long it will last this time as I drive off toward home.

Damn, Percy left my radio on the soul station and their playing an old Anthony and Imperial song 'Hurts So Bad'. I can only hope that it won't be my theme song for eternity.

 _I know you_ _  
_ _Don't know what I'm goin' through_ _  
_ _Standing here_ _  
_ _Looking at you_ __

 _Well, let me tell you that it_ _  
_ _(Hurt) Hurts so bad (Hurts so bad)_ _  
_ _It makes me feel so sad (Hurts so bad)_ _  
_ _It makes me hurt so bad_ _  
_ _To see you again_ __

 _Like needles and pins, people say_ _  
_ _You've been making out okay_ _  
_ _She's in love, don't stand in her way_ __

 _But let me tell you that it_ _  
_ _(Hurt) Hurts so bad (Hurts so bad)_ _  
_ _It makes me feel so sad (Hurts so bad)_ _  
_ _It's gonna hurt so bad_ _  
_ _If you walk away_ __

 _Why don't you stay and let me make it up to you_ _  
_ _(Stay) I'll do anything you want me to_ _  
_ _You loved me before_ _  
_ _Please love me again_ _  
_ _I can't let you go back to him_ _  
_

 __ _Please don't go, please don't go_ _  
_ _Ohhhh, hurts so bad_ _  
_ _Come back, it hurts so bad_ _  
_ _Don't make it hurt so bad_ _  
_ _I'm beggin' you please_ __

 _Please don't go, please don't go_ _  
_ _Ohhhh, hurts so bad_ _  
_ _Come back, it hurts so bad_ _  
_ _Don't make it hurt so bad_ _  
_ _I'm beggin' you please_ __

 _Please don't go, please don't go_ _  
_ _Ohhhh, hurts so bad_ _  
_ _Come back, it hurts so bad_

Page **3** of **3**


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